he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
