Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
