I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
