i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
