My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
