Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

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(704): View more from North Carolina

My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college

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(707): View more from California

I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already

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(216): View more from Ohio

We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong

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(712): View more from Iowa

I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.

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(408): View more from California

No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard

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(801): View more from Utah

I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.

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(516): View more from New York

so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...

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(845): View more from New York

I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it

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