I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
