boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
