3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
