i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
