Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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