nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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