Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
