I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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