I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
