mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love you.
Bad choice
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
