My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
