woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
