its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
