I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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