I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
