You can't special order awesome
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
