Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
