I smell stomach acid.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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