literally had 100 drinks last night.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
