My brain says no but my pants say off.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
