my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
