I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As shirtless as possible
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
