so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
