Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
