I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
