don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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