I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
