I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
