the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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