He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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