I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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