News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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