I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
