you have to choose: penises or morals?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
