Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
