I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
