His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
