I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
