Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
