Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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