This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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