You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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