I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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