I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
