No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
