someone get that fucking seahorse.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
